Monday, March 5, 2012

No thank you

I know that my posts have been few and far between last month and this month so far.  Unfortunately, there is a reason.  On February 7th I was diagnosed with stage II breast cancer.  Ever since I got the news, I have been put on this roller coaster ride that hasn't stopped.  I mean, as a 35 year old mother of a 5 and 7 year old, this just wasn't in my plan.  I would like to say, "no thank you," but this is the path my life has turned on.  So, there is nothing to do but buck up and get ready for the ride. 

This week, I will have a sentinel node surgery.  This will help my oncologist know which chemo to do and for how long.  After that, I will have a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstructive surgery.  It took me a good week to really get that this breast cancer isn't the same as my father's lung cancer he passed from.  It was a little bit of a struggle for me to separate the two. 

I can say that I am honestly having more anxiety about the surgeries than the chemo.  Something about taking out part of my body, well it is just scary to me.  I am pretty anxious about the reconstructive process.  When I visited the first plastic surgeon, I was terrified with the photos I saw.  After meeting with the second one, I feel so much more confident.  You may find this funny, I know my husband did.  They show you before and after pictures of reconstructed breasts.  The pictures they showed me that would give me a more similar, realistic outcome for me was of a 60 year old woman.  Yes, I am apparently a 35 year old with a 60 year old set of boobs.  Hubby and I have had a good laugh over that one.  As for the chemo, I am more nervous about the kids reaction to the side effects.  I'm sure losing the hair won't be easy.  I have my mother's nose.  I guess that makes me my mother's daughter.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  It will just be more obvious to the world in about a month.  I went to the wig store.  I can't say that was fun.  It was hard for me to imagine some of the wigs considering they were different hair colors.  I can absolutely say that I do not look good as a blond.  I will have to take my trusty, critical sisters there when I make my selection.  They will give me the real deal opinions.  None of that, 'oh, that is such a cute look for you.'

So, there you have it.  This is why I haven't been posting lately.  Quite frankly, I don't know what this treatment will be like for me.  Therefore, I am not sure how much I will be posting.  I may post about whatever crafts or DIY things I've done or I may just talk about my journey for the day.  I ask that you hang in there with me because I really do want to get my plain old normal life back. 

10 comments:

  1. You are entering into some unfamiliar territory but know that others have traveled there before you and have come out very strong on the other side. Be good to yourself, eat well, follow your docs orders lean on those who love you and you will do fine.Thank God we live in a day when cancer can be detected early and treated so well. And the reconstruction will help you tremendously. Stay close to the Lord and he will lift you up and my prayers are with you.

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  2. Hi Julie, life can really suck sometimes. My sister in law got breast cancer too at age 36 when she had 2 young children aswell, last month we celebrated her 60th! Even though I can't imagine what you are going through I wish you all the best for the coming months. Don't worry about keeping up with your blog, take care of yourself first.. and the rest will take care of itself... take care, Maryann

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  3. Geeze, Julie, I'm sorry to hear this! It must have felt surreal to you hearing that news. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know that many people wind up cancer free after going through the treatments. I can understand that you were upset about the surgery - I had a partial hysterectomy a few years ago, by choice, due to excruciating monthly pain. I was very upset because I felt there was a part of my womanhood being taken away. Even though I had no plans for any more children. In my case, it turned out to be the best thing I did for myself.

    Thank you for sharing this news. I hope that if you feel the need to just vent or "let it out" you'll let us know and know you've got a virtual shoulder to lean on.

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  4. I offer you my deepest heart felt best wishes. Positivity maybe hard at times but draw it up from the deepest depths and embrace the change -a new fabulous woman is about to emerge....B:) x

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  5. May you find all the strength you need from your loving family. Hugs to you. marcy

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  6. So sorry you are going through this stressful time. Sending you prayers and positive energy. I am sure your blog can be a place of comfort. I am sure there are people out there who have already experienced this and can help you. Best wishes to you!

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  7. i am so very sorry!! i wish you a speedy recovery.

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  8. Wishing you all the best with your surgery and hopeing for a great out come. I am a survivor of thyroid cancer. I now it's not the same. My heart goes out to you.

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  9. Hate that you are going through this, but I love that in the face of all the unknowns and craziness you and K continue to be able to laugh together. I have always loved that about you two - you really seem to know how to support one another make the other person giggle.
    Tracie

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  10. Oh gosh....my thoughts and continued prayers will be with you. <3

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