No thank you

I know that my posts have been few and far between last month and this month so far.  Unfortunately, there is a reason.  On February 7th I was diagnosed with stage II breast cancer.  Ever since I got the news, I have been put on this roller coaster ride that hasn't stopped.  I mean, as a 35 year old mother of a 5 and 7 year old, this just wasn't in my plan.  I would like to say, "no thank you," but this is the path my life has turned on.  So, there is nothing to do but buck up and get ready for the ride. 

This week, I will have a sentinel node surgery.  This will help my oncologist know which chemo to do and for how long.  After that, I will have a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstructive surgery.  It took me a good week to really get that this breast cancer isn't the same as my father's lung cancer he passed from.  It was a little bit of a struggle for me to separate the two. 

I can say that I am honestly having more anxiety about the surgeries than the chemo.  Something about taking out part of my body, well it is just scary to me.  I am pretty anxious about the reconstructive process.  When I visited the first plastic surgeon, I was terrified with the photos I saw.  After meeting with the second one, I feel so much more confident.  You may find this funny, I know my husband did.  They show you before and after pictures of reconstructed breasts.  The pictures they showed me that would give me a more similar, realistic outcome for me was of a 60 year old woman.  Yes, I am apparently a 35 year old with a 60 year old set of boobs.  Hubby and I have had a good laugh over that one.  As for the chemo, I am more nervous about the kids reaction to the side effects.  I'm sure losing the hair won't be easy.  I have my mother's nose.  I guess that makes me my mother's daughter.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  It will just be more obvious to the world in about a month.  I went to the wig store.  I can't say that was fun.  It was hard for me to imagine some of the wigs considering they were different hair colors.  I can absolutely say that I do not look good as a blond.  I will have to take my trusty, critical sisters there when I make my selection.  They will give me the real deal opinions.  None of that, 'oh, that is such a cute look for you.'

So, there you have it.  This is why I haven't been posting lately.  Quite frankly, I don't know what this treatment will be like for me.  Therefore, I am not sure how much I will be posting.  I may post about whatever crafts or DIY things I've done or I may just talk about my journey for the day.  I ask that you hang in there with me because I really do want to get my plain old normal life back.