Today has been my second treatment of radiation, 2 out of 28. This weekend I had may little breakdown. You see, fear started to grip me with the unknown reactions that my body will have to this radiation. Will my skin be so damaged that it will make reconstruction impossible, will my lung and ribs be significantly damaged, or will I be the 1 out of 3,000 that could develop cancer from the radiation being used to kill my current cancer. The fear of the unknown gets me each time before I start a new treatment. What a funny thing fear is. It grips you and paralyzes you. If you allow it, it will take control. I may let fear take a day or two from me, but I then turn it over to God. So, just like Carry Underwood sings, "Jesus, take the wheel." I am leaving it in his hands.
I have decided that since my diagnosis, this has been like a road trip. With each treatment, they say they give you time to recover before the next. But it is really just like exiting an interstate just long enough to pee, then getting back into the car until the next rest stop. You know after you stretch your legs and use the bathroom you feel better. Then as the miles pass by, you feel trapped in the car. Your eyes are watching the signs for the next rest stop. Well, that is how I am feeling. Only I realize that this road trip doesn't really have a final destination. I will always have thoughts of recurrence in the back of my mind. I guess while I am on the road, I need to enjoy the scenery. I have learned to treasure my everyday life. Even down to my sweet princess's scowls that she gives me on occasion (ok almost every other day). I have learned to not take for granted anyone or anything. A song I like to listen to is Miley Cyrus's "The Climb." It helps me keep perspective.
While we are all on a road trip travelling different roads, I hope you are taking the time to stop and enjoy each day. See you back on the road!