Thursday, August 30, 2012

Fear & Road Trip

Today has been my second treatment of radiation, 2 out of 28.  This weekend I had may little breakdown.  You see, fear started to grip me with the unknown reactions that my body will have to this radiation.  Will my skin be so damaged that it will make reconstruction impossible, will my lung and ribs be significantly damaged, or will I be the 1 out of 3,000 that could develop cancer from the radiation being used to kill my current cancer.  The fear of the unknown gets me each time before I start a new treatment.  What a funny thing fear is.  It grips you and paralyzes you.  If you allow it, it will take control.  I may let fear take a day or two from me, but I then turn it over to God.  So, just like Carry Underwood sings, "Jesus, take the wheel."  I am leaving it in his hands.

I have decided that since my diagnosis, this has been like a road trip.  With each treatment, they say they give you time to recover before the next.  But it is really just like exiting an interstate just long enough to pee, then getting back into the car until the next rest stop.  You know after you stretch your legs and use the bathroom you feel better.  Then as the miles pass by, you feel trapped in the car.  Your eyes are watching the signs for the next rest stop.  Well, that is how I am feeling.  Only I realize that this road trip doesn't really have a final destination.  I will always have thoughts of recurrence in the back of my mind.  I guess while I am on the road, I need to enjoy the scenery.  I have learned to treasure my everyday life.  Even down to my sweet princess's scowls that she gives me on occasion (ok almost every other day).  I have learned to not take for granted anyone or anything.  A song I like to listen to is Miley Cyrus's "The Climb."  It helps me keep perspective.

While we are all on a road trip travelling different roads, I hope you are taking the time to stop and enjoy each day.  See you back on the road!

14 comments:

  1. I am so so sorry for everything you are going through. You need to have a break down every once in awhile. My prayers are with you.

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  2. Thank you for stoping by my blog and leaving your sweet comment:) My heart and prayers go out to you. It's such comfort to know that God is with us through it all and knows just the right way to comfort us. Stay strong but don't be afraid to be weak us bloggies are here for you:)

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  3. Amazing perspective and attitude. I am going to listen to those songs. One of my fav's is Life is Highway - along the same vein. I am praying that God would continue to show you His love during this hard season.
    Tracie

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  4. You deserve to have a 'breakdown' every now and then. But what a wonderful attitude you have and such a great inspiration to everyone. No one knows what's in store for them and to cherish each day is a wonderful message we need to hear often. Hang in there, you will get through this.

    Cindy Bee

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  5. Hello,
    I just wanted to take a minute to tell you that you have a great site! Keep up the good work.

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  6. Hey,
    These are wonderfully fantastic images i ever seen. Thank you so.. much for posting these really awesome. I simply love every single photo shot. Last two three images are truly fab.

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  7. I am so sorry you are going thru this! This must seem like the longest road trip ever!?!?!? Hang in there....I will keep pryaing for you :o)
    ~Des

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  8. sending cyber hugs to you Julie.
    hope you are feeling better this week
    cheers Fiona

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  9. Your roadtrip analogy is just so right on! I feel the same way.

    I will be adding your blog to my list to check your progress... since we are going through rads at the same time it is nice to read about something that someone else already understands.

    Hugs.

    – Ashley

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  10. I agree with another poster who says you deserve a breakdown every now and again. You are a brave woman and you will get through this!

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  11. Oh the way you compare our journey to a road trip is just so true! Very well written and I'm totally feeling it too! I had my breakdown yesterday. I feel somewhat better today.. I hope you do too! Letting it all out is the only thing you can do! Hang in there girl!

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  12. I've talked about your road trip comparison on my blog with a link back to your blog. Also added you to my blog roll :)

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  13. What an honest and inspiring post. Praying for you. As long as we give Him the wheel and let Him drive, we have nothing to fear!
    God bless,
    Laurie
    http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/

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  14. Love the comparison of life with a road trip....you should start a new carrer...freelance writer!!!

    Praying for you. say hi to Lilly!

    Jyoti

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