Monday, June 11, 2012

Okay, it is time for another round of free therapy.  The reason that I have been blogging less is that I have been having an internal struggle.  Everyone loves to tell the cancer gal about so and so who had breast cancer, then it came back, then it came back again, then she died.  Really people!  The last thing that someone going through chemo for their cancer wants to hear is how it kept coming back and won in the end.  People just don't realize that for those of us with the big C, our mortality is always on our minds whether or not we let you know.  I understand this is a way of connecting with us cancer gals but you just don't know until you know.

What I mean is that until you are served that dreaded C diagnosis, it is not likely you really get what we go through.  Cancer is what I have not who I am.  Unfortunately, it has flooded into my life and encompassed all aspects.  What should I eat?  Will this help the cancer grow?  What if I would have exercised more?  What if, what if, what if?  Then, I get to switch and think about all of the what ifs in the future?  What if I don't have a good reconstruction?  What if it comes back?  What if, what if, what if?   

I have been pretty positive for the most part but here lately, I have hit a struggling patch.  With all of the stories people have told me about all of these women who have underwent one to two recurrences, it just frightens me.  To think that I will have to possibly go through this again as well as all of my family and friends.  Not to think that this big C could possibly get me.  It is all very terrifying but I suppose it is this little thing called life.

So, I have taken a short break from my reality of cancer and went back to some old habits of soda and fast food for a couple of weeks.  It was just getting exhausting to think of every morsel that was going into my mouth and deal with all of my fears while just keeping them to myself.  But as I have written and purged just now, I feel a renewed commitment to do whatever that I can to stick around for the next 40 to 50 years! 

Well, that felt pretty good.  Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!  Ha!Ha!

7 comments:

  1. A great post! A good reminder and advice. I'm glad you got it off of you're chest.

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  2. I think it is good to take a break. We can be really health concious most of the time. Best wishes for your health!

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  3. Well Hi julie. Im not sure that i've ever commented on your blog but i just want to say Bravo for telling it like it is. I always tell people not to say what they'd do ina situation if they've never been in it. And for the record i have two friends who had breast cancer years ago and it's never come back. My sister has a friend that had it...never came back. And i know someone that had stage four breast cancer. Guess what? Never came back. They are all over the cancer and livinga normal life again. So you go girl! Think positive and stay away from draining people.

    Cindy Bee

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  4. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, but I wish the best for you! It was nice seeing you at the barn sale, glad you found it! ♥

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  5. Good for you! I could not or would not even presume to understand what you face each day and neither should anyone else . . . whether they've had "the Big C" or not because every one and every case is different. Blessings to you and enjoy that fast food and soda!

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  6. It really irritated me when people would say the same thing to me when I was going through treatment. So and so had cervical cancer and they died. It really brought me down to a place I care not to return to.
    I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 09 when my daughter was 6 months old. After 6 months of surgery, chemo and radiation I am in remission and hope to stay that way :)
    I wish the best for you and to see you around in the next 40 - 50 years too!

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