Okay, it is time for another round of free therapy. The reason that I have been blogging less is that I have been having an internal struggle. Everyone loves to tell the cancer gal about so and so who had breast cancer, then it came back, then it came back again, then she died. Really people! The last thing that someone going through chemo for their cancer wants to hear is how it kept coming back and won in the end. People just don't realize that for those of us with the big C, our mortality is always on our minds whether or not we let you know. I understand this is a way of connecting with us cancer gals but you just don't know until you know.
What I mean is that until you are served that dreaded C diagnosis, it is not likely you really get what we go through. Cancer is what I have not who I am. Unfortunately, it has flooded into my life and encompassed all aspects. What should I eat? Will this help the cancer grow? What if I would have exercised more? What if, what if, what if? Then, I get to switch and think about all of the what ifs in the future? What if I don't have a good reconstruction? What if it comes back? What if, what if, what if?
I have been pretty positive for the most part but here lately, I have hit a struggling patch. With all of the stories people have told me about all of these women who have underwent one to two recurrences, it just frightens me. To think that I will have to possibly go through this again as well as all of my family and friends. Not to think that this big C could possibly get me. It is all very terrifying but I suppose it is this little thing called life.
So, I have taken a short break from my reality of cancer and went back to some old habits of soda and fast food for a couple of weeks. It was just getting exhausting to think of every morsel that was going into my mouth and deal with all of my fears while just keeping them to myself. But as I have written and purged just now, I feel a renewed commitment to do whatever that I can to stick around for the next 40 to 50 years!
Well, that felt pretty good. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest! Ha!Ha!