Oh, life

Hi! Do you remember me? I know. I have been gone all this month. Oh, life. Yes, that is what I have been up to. You see, I have been meandering through life just like I never had cancer. Yes, ever since my daily zaps of radiation ended in October, I put my head in the sand and lived like I did before this crazy cancer ride strapped me in. Denial can be such a strong thing.

Well, in mid-December my radiated breast got swollen and rashed out. We tried oral antibiotics. It got better. After a week, it was back. So, back to the doctor. The doctor said it wasn't cancer. Wow! What?! I wasn't even thinking that. Remember I have been an ostrich for a couple months. So, we try another oral antibiotics and I start freaking out that my doctor even mentioned cancer. Doc thinks it is cellulitus (skin infection) just on damaged skins from radiation. Of course, one has to google to get all the information. After my google research, I get worried that maybe I will be a freak case that has to get admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics, contract a staph infection and die! Thanks google!

Well, I didn't get admitted but doc did say I had to go in daily to the hospital for 7 days of IV antibiotics. About halfway through the IV antibiotics, my doc takes a look. No better. We switch gears. Perhaps this is just a skin radiation thing. So, now I get to take steroids while finishing up the IV antibiotics. Since I have had so many lymph nodes removed from one arm, they can only use my left arm for the IV's. By the last IV, my veins were toast. I think the nurses were drawing to see who would get the "short" straw to poke the girl with genetically bad veins in one usable arm. It took 6 tries to get it for the last day. So after all of that, everything got better only with the steroids.

So you might ask what the hub bub is all about?! Well, I guess I just wanted my old normal life. But after something small like this, I realize I just cannot pretend like everything was the same as before. My treatments may have ended but putting my life back together seems a bit difficult on some days. When you have faced cancer, it just puts a new spin on everything. You feel like every decision you make could determine the chance of recurrence. It was so great to just live life. Now, I feel as if my every move should and will have a life altering impact that I need to examine. I am starting to think the easy part was my treatment. I find it more difficult to navigate this new area called 'survivor' status. All of these feelings get to coincide with my cancerversary. While I am figuring out this new normal, I pledge to blog at least once a week. I just am grateful that you let me put it all out there. Thanks!

 

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